“Poke! Slash! Zwoink! Stab! Swing! Pew! Swoosh! Kadoink!”
Non-lethal weaponry in Bos
DYING IN BATTLE IS A HASSLE (and not fun at all).
The standing armies of Bos contain few regulars. In times of need their numbers are buffed by militia-men and DIY-weekend soldiers. Most amateurs are bungling idiots with a brooch pinned on and a sash strapped around their waist (oh, ye easily impressed Boslings).
Correspondingly, the commanders of Bos prefer to equip their massed ranks with a variation of non-lethal blunt weapons instead of sharp, nasty blades. This way at least the troops won’t kill themselves before they reach the enemy…
Oelleboog
Fig. 1a — The Oelleboog* (Oellebow) is a perfectly harmless ‘ranged’ weapon meant to impress and scare off enemy scouts and skirmishers. Jan Oelle of Oellegaart* invented the arrow-less bow by combining a stringless bow with an Olleffluytte* (Ollef-flute) that makes a specific whooshing sound.
Fig. 1b — Predictably, this is often countered by the ‘Owie‘, or ‘Oesj‘: a small whistle that makes the sound it’s named after. The sound of both bow-and-hit are so in tune, so recognizable and playful that opposing regiments of archers will play out entire melodies when engaged in mock-battle.When they’re all done whistling to their hearts content, they go for a nap and play dead. To avoid embarrassment their captains usually sign them up as casualties.
Kleerhauek
Fig. 2 — Large-scale battles are day-long spectacles where mornings are used for dressing up, noon is for feasting, and the afternoons are spent strutting about looking tough and performing parades.
Towards dinner time, when both sides are starting to feel nippy, the generals will try to outmaneuver each other in an attempt to bring down the opposing banners. At the end of the day the victorious faction proudly flies its own colors while trampling on their opponents’ rags.
The halberds known as Kleerhauek* are integral to these feats of skill: it comes in a thousand different shapes & sizes but is always designed to tear up cloth and fabric. It is also a preferred tool for relieving enemy mounts of their respective riders.
Koppieklopperd
Fig. 3a — The Koppieklopperd* is classic bludgeoning tool, made from rubber or wood. Larger versions are particularly useful versus knights: a good blow to the head will knock them out ánd get their helmet stuck.
It’s always good fun to see a fancy Lord try to wriggle out of his own expensive armor!
Fig. 3b & 3c — If you’re not eager to get hurt in battle (duh), chances are you’ll try to feign your own death, or pretend you’re knocked out cold at least. But what if you’re serious about proper battlefield etiquette? Professional combatants will often carry around a Koedras* just to give a lil’ poke to the fallen. If you hear a “Yelp!” you can give ’em another bonk on the head!
Addendum
Fig A1 — Standard-tearing vs Standard-bearing.
Fig A2 — The buff warrior is leaning on his Grutteklopperd*, a giant 2-handed Koppieklopperd. This weapon is considered unfair by nobles as it tends to get knights stuck in their armor/helmet. Sometimes permanently!
Notes
Kloppeghyttes — Freely translated this means ‘Bonkiness‘, a moniker that involves all non-lethal weaponry.
Jan Oelle — Stoic militia-commander. Not to be confused with Oellerd Jan. After a long illustrious career at the head of the Oommers Piketroup he retreated to his homestead at Oellegaart, where the struggle with both his past and the invasive mice on the farm, sparked in him an interest in non-lethal arms and scare-tactics.
Olleffluytte — Its sound resembles the mating ‘gasp’ of the Ollef fish, a bigheaded cousin of the eel.
Oellerd Jan — A relatively known tinkerer from Vieroogen who invented the double-ended fork (which is about as versatile as it sounds) and gave the world the wondrous double sided spoon, which is as unpractical as it sounds.
In an attempt to follow-up on his original success, he invented the double sided mug (plain stupid), and double sided plate (basically the same as a normal plate). It comes as no surprise Oellerd went bankrupt and soon quit inventing altogether.
Kleerhauek — Cloth-hook. The warrior depicted in the post about Ruyters wields this very same weapon.
Koppieklopperd / Klopperd — Rubber or wooden mallet to knock someone out.
(From Dutch: klop, ‘knock’ & kop, ‘head’)
Koedras or Koedrasse –Also known as Muuzzesweert (Mouse Sword), barely lethal and, in fact, barely annoying. Generally used to poke someone who feigns death or unconsciousness. Very popular as main weapon among smaller mice.
(From French: Coup de grace)
Grutteklopperd — Great-Klopperd, also known as ‘Bonkerd’. For the sound it makes, of course.
